thoughts

I can't remember the last time I blogged. I am just sitting here at work and I feel the need to put some thoughts down in writing, so I'll share them with you guys.
I watched the entire Lord of the Rings series this weekend while Anda and the kids were gone, so I have been thinking sort of differently this week. My basic sense is that I am in a place that is not fun, but I feel very confident that God put me here.

Today I feel like I will never accomplish anything worthwhile in this place. This morning 2/3 of my patients have been depressed, and both of them said my treatments weren't helping. I invited one to come to my house for our Bible study tonight. The other one seemed more interested in explaining why the medication I gave her last time made her lose her temper and hit her daughter. I don't expect either one to be much better next time I see them. There is so much dysfunction. I feel like Frodo tromping up the dark, dry, rocky mountain with very little hope of success, feeling quite alone.

I have been here a month and a half now. I still don't have nurses. I don't even have the printer I asked for the day I got here. I have to ask permission for every day off, or even if I want to take a long lunch. I work for the system, and I am feeling an acute loss of freedom. I'm grappling (no really, grappling) with the new contract, not sure how hard I should push for changes or whether I should just settle for it the way it is, hoping they won't do all the things the contract says they can do if they want to.

But God is working. Just like I knew Frodo would eventually get the ring destroyed I know that God will prevail even in this situation. So if you get a chance, pray for me.

I'm really thankful to have such a great family.
Randy