breaking from the Lord...and a recipe

Okay, this is long and a little on the heavy side, so don't feel obligated to read! I suppose you could say I've been grappling with a few things. Just wanted to share a little of what God is doing in my heart right now. This Sabbath month thing - I don't think we had a really clear vision of what that was supposed to be when we started, but it has become much clearer now. When you discipline yourself to slow down and rest in the Lord, you have more time to LISTEN to Him. This has been one of those painful, but so good, revelation kind of times. The bottom line for me? I am one of the most hopeless, self-centered, and self-absorbed people I know. Before you object and try to make me feel better about that, please don't. It's good. God has had to get me to the place where I can see the depth of my depravity and inablility to love so that I can rejoice in the grace and love of Christ. The journey has just begun, but He is in the process of breaking off some major flesh. I do not and actually cannot love people. It has been startling to realize how unnatural it is to love. Before Mandate, I had fresh revelation of how I was created to be my husband's helper - only purpose mentioned there in Gen 2. Hmmm. We've all heard that, but when you really SEE it, it changes everything. At Mandate, did some big time repenting about that to God and to my husband. The nations of the earth. Do I really care about the people who were affected by the Tsunami? About the lost in Africa? The persecuted in Iraq? My neighbor down the street?! The gut-wrenching, honest answer has had to be 'no'. But praise God, He is changing it! I'll have to tell you later what happened on Sunday with my Chinese neighbor down the street! God just flung the door wide open!
And then there is the subject of the poor. I have been listening to my husband, but not really hearing him for quite some time now. But God's timing is always perfect and suddenly I'm hearing it; not really from him, but every time I turn around, there is someone else telling me that the gospel and love of the poor and disenfranchised are absolutely inseparable. I've been tolerating our limited involvement with the poor and even patting myself on the back because we're doing more than some - have mercy on me! praise God for the cross! I haven't even begun to see the poor as God sees them. This has been a sobering and heart-breaking realization.
Charlotte Connally gave me a book at Mandate for my birthday called Authentic Faith but Gary Thomas. Although this guy is not a Christian Hedonist (made clear in his chapter on the discipline of selflessness), he has many, many really good things to say. Today I read the chapter entitled "The People of God's Heart: The Discipline of Social Mercy". Killer chapter. Get this verse from Jeremiah 22:16 describing King Josiah: "'He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?' declares the Lord." The whole chapter is full of scripture after scripture about loving the poor. At Mandate, Ty Denney had done a word study and pointed out that the poor are mentioned more than sexual sin, talk about money, and several other things that I can't remember. When he was in college he met Mother Theresa and she told him to go read his Bible and see what God thought about the poor. He then read it cover to cover "with new eyes" and saw what he had never seen before. Anyway, here's the quote from Thomas's book that just did me in: "Regardless of where we live - whether in the Suburbs of the Midwest, the elite societies of the East, or the rural South - or what we do, as a laborer or business owner, we are called to care. If there is no evidence of social mercy in your life, if there isn't a single poor person, prisoner, man or woman with a disability, or refugee who can stand up and testify that you have lived out and continue to live out your faith with compassionate care, then know this: Scripture, the Christian classics, and contemporary faith all stand in one accord to challenge the sub-Christian religion that you have adopted. This might seen like a harsh statement, but you cannot read Scripture with any honesty, you cannot read very deeply in Christian history, and you cannot live with open eyes in comtemporary Christianity without being challenged by how central a compassionate outreach to the poor and needy is to the gospel message."
Sorry I'm processing all this on the BLOG! I know this is kind of heavy stuff, but Tod's question has also stayed with me about are we the friends of sinners (the kind of sinners He was actually friends with). I hope his doesn't make anyone feel terrible and guilty - Godly sorrow leads to repentance; anything else (condemnation, etc.) is not from the Lord! I guess I just wanted to share what's going on in my heart because it is a Godly sorrow season (I'm not depressed, etc). I would love to hear your insights and wisdom. That's one reason I love this family so much - you are about loving people!

On a lighter note, I made this great little salad last night and thought I'd share the recipe. You may already make something like this, but here it is:

Roasted Red Pepper Rotini Caesar

1 12-14 oz box of Rotini pasta (we used whole wheat)
1 12 oz jar of roasted red peppers, sliced (I used fresh red pepper, chopped)
4 cups of fresh baby spinach
1 cup of creamy Caesar dressing or creamy peppercorn Parmesan dressing
shredded parmesan to taste
cracked pepper and salt to taste

1. Cook pasta according to directions.
2. In a mixing bowl, toss pasta, dressing, red peppers, and spinach until evenly mixed. Add any desired extras at this time (chicken, shrimp, sausage, mushrooms, pine nuts, olives, garlic, etc.)
3. Top with desired amount of parmesan cheese, cracked pepper, and salt.

This was a really simple recipe and healthier than what we usually eat. I just cut up that pre-cooked chicken from Sam's in it, but you could do whatever. You get the idea!

May God bless you richly today as you soak in the glory of the cross!
Anda