I'll take the bait, Alan

I'm sitting here in my quiet house pondering all that God is doing with the sound of our nightly neighborhood "base" in the background. Wow. There is a lot to write about, which is probably why we haven't been blogging. Too much to say, too little time. But in many ways, this blog has become our "journal" so I'll be happy to blab for a while. Need to process.

In training school we learned that missionaries enter the field and experience a honeymoon period that usually last for about 6 months at which point culture shock sets in and they enter the "hostile" period. During this time, they may despise the people group they've been called to, wonder what in the world they're doing, etc. About a month ago, RB and I went out for the day with the cultural training school guy and his family (his name is Scott and he trains church planters all over the world, esp in the underground church - neat guy). So Scott looks at me at lunch and says, "So Anda, how are you doing with culture shock?" He and his prayer warrior wife start telling us that we need to be seriously crying out to God together because we've not only entered a different physical culture but a spiritually oppressive culture in which the enemy is not happy about Jesus moving in. He explained that it's very common for people to feel tired, depressed, or other funky stuff and not really know why. We were there. We knew, too, that there were some things happening that were attacks, but there was something about that conversation with Scott that woke us up, esp me. One thing that had happened was that after our first Common Ground dinner (everyone from the neighborhood and other churches are invited) Moriah had woken up crying about every 10-15 minutes almost all night long. She had a cold, but when asked her what was wrong, she kept saying she didn't know, she just felt sad. I had half-heartedly prayed against any demonic stuff that had been brought into our home to leave, but I wasn't fighting that night like I should have been. The night we had that conversation with Scott, I had a terrifying dream of this thick darkness breathing down my neck and woke up because I was trying to scream for Randy. Anyway, I don't know why I go into all that except that it was a bit of a turning point to realize that we really had entered the enemy's territory. So then comes the faith struggle of deciding who you believe is stronger. Of course I know in my head, but when little attacks keep adding up, your theology really meets reality. After wrestling through that for a few weeks, I feel confident in the Lord's power, but also don't take warfare near as lightly.
God really began moving after that outing with Scott and his wife because RB and I started praying together more again. George Otis Jr. came into the picture the next day and we both got to be a part of his visit here. GREATLY encouraged and committed more than ever now to praying for revival here in Como (and all of Fort Worth, but esp.Como). We really have no other hope than for God to fall on this community. The past month has felt heavy as we have encountered the brokenness over and over and over again. I'll share a few stories.
*Shortly after we began praying more, Jordan (probably the toughest Mighty Man) completely freaked out one Wednesday afternoon. He has been kicked out of school for 3 months and is at an alternative school. That day he walked off as they were reading Narnia out on the church lawn and when RB told him to come back, he picks up a brick, threatening to throw it at RB. Then he takes off running. Van, Randy, and the pastor of the church there follow him in the MM Van (ha!) and finally RB just jumps out and starts chasing him down the street. Jordan again almost throws the brick at him, but Randy finally gets him and has to hold him all the way home. The entire time he is screaming horrific profanities against God and saying that he is on the devil's side. That's not just a little rebellion, you know what I'm saying? Tough day for RB (he couldn't walk very well for a couple of days because of the hamstring he pulled while sprinting - ha!).
*The mom of 2 of the MM is really seeking God right now and I've come to the conclusion that I think she really does know Jesus and just doesn't have a clue how to live. She quit her job in which she was working from 11 p.m. - 7 a.m. because she was so tired. Now she has another one, but not making enough to pay the bills. Not on any government assistance. I won't go into a lot of other details because this is on the blog, but let's just say her testimony OVERWHELMED me. How does anyone ever become functional after so much abuse, etc? Hearing her story makes you understand why her boys are struggling. I have really grown to love her. She really wants to do better and wants to know what is means to listen to Jesus and be in His presence. ONLY possible in the power of the Spirit - there is no other hope.
*Randy hires a homeless man that he meets in the park across from our house a couple of weeks ago to lay our grass for us. Real nice guy, Timothy. Worked hard and did a good job. Then RB discovers that he has stolen about $400 of tools (a saw and drill) from our garage. RB goes to the park the next morning and tells him he wants his stuff back. Timothy acts deeply offended and produces 2 pawn tickets for some other stuff which he claims are his own, but says he doesn't have any idea what happened to our tools. When I get home that morning from running errands there are 2 more pawn tickets from 2 different pawn shops stuck in my glass door. I guess he was trying to prove his innocence by producing receipts from 4 different pawn shops?! He hasn't been back at the park since, but did call RB a few days ago to see if he had located his things. RB offered him $10 a ticket if he'd give them to us. Timothy said he'd ask around. We haven't heard from him yet....
*At the end of Common Ground last Sunday (which was completely out of control because for some reason we had a bunch of kids show up this time - just imagine a small Op Camp in our backyard. Scary!), this woman shows up from the apartments. She said she was so late because it took her that long to get up the guts to come to our house. She tells us that she has 4 kids (ages 19, 17, 16, 4) and 3 grandkids and another one due in October. Candice pipes up and says, "You look about 25!" The woman says, "Oh no. I'm 34." In case you're not processing this, that's my age. You do the math. The next night, she and her boyfriend are walking by as RB and I are rocking on the front porch and they stop to talk for about 30 minutes. Again, I'm astounded at the apparent faith in God. Her boyfriend actually had some light in his eyes. But she makes about $8 an hour at a grocery store and he's out of a job at the moment. They were working for a Motorola assembly line making less than that. She comes by the next day asking for money to do laundry, promising to pay me back tonight. RB and I had a bet going about whether or not I'd get my $10 back. Okay, so I lost, but she DID come by tonight and said she'd pay me back NEXT week! We're brainstorming about jobs she could do for us to earn money the next time she asks.
*D'Monte lives at the apartments and still hangs out here a lot and is going to church with us every week. He's pretty sweet and knows the rules of our home now. He slips and calls me "mom" occassionally. His dad makes $6.25/hour at Golden Corral washing dishes. We did the math on that one and that's less than $15,000 a year. These people are stuck even when they are working their tails off!
*3 new boys (brothers, which actually makes it harder) have moved into the apartments and have decided they like our house too. They aren't as sweet as D'Monte and we're strategizing about what we're going to do. I cringed when RB invited them to church tonight (we've had at least 10 kids with us in church the last 2 weeks, including our own). Our kids are learning a lot - HA! Tonight as I was sending the boys home, they asked if they could have some fruit (I had just washed a ton of grapes and strawberries and cut up cantalope). I said okay because the truth is that they ARE really hungry. They took almost all of it as Lukey watched in horror because we had planned on having it for dinner. I just kept telling him we'd talk about it later. We did and they're beginning to see that we can go to the store and buy more food while these boys can't. Such a touchy balance trying to help these kids while not feeding the entitlement, greedy mentality. BUT THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE MUCH FOOD! Pray for wisdom for us in how we love our own children through this process. They all have different reactions. I believe they will be rewarded and told them that, but we so want to be sensitive to them.
*One night a couple of weeks ago I'm sitting here like I am now and think I hear someone trying to open my front door. Maybe it was the wind, I don't know, but I get over it (after frantically waking up RB and making HIM look outside). As I'm about to go to bed at 10 p.m. I hear a lot of yelling and screaming, so I go out on my front porch and rock, pray, and cry for about 45 minutes as I watch this brawl going on at the apartments. No physical fighting, just really loud (women!). The part that broke my heart was the screaming and crying of this little child, probably 2-3 years old, for almost the entire time. Can you even imagine one of your own children growing up listening to that and being in the middle of it? God has GOT to show up in power. There is no other hope but Jesus.

You might be getting a sense of why we've felt a bit heavy lately. Truthfully, I've been fighting depression. But today has been a good day and in the middle of all this, God keeps encouraging us. RB keeps having lunch meetings with Como pastors, getting to know them with a vision of them uniting in prayer revival in this community. We're having a prayer meeting once a month with the Fort Worth "prayer guy" for revival. 21 Days of Prayer for the entire city begins in about a week, which should be encouraging. After this past Wed at Mighty Men, RB came home determined that some of them were going to be kicked out (4, to be exact) and then this older man, Ernie Horn (the one who prophesied over Van and Cindy a couple of years ago and rocked their world), calls RB the very next morning and totally encourages him and tells him not to quit and not to give up on a single one. He gave him this analogy: when engineers design a bridge, they build it to withstand the worst possible case scenario. He pointed out that God's grace has been designed to withstand Jordan - it IS big enough. It's big enough to withstand me! Isn't Jordan just a picture of what we all are without Christ, our fists in God's face, totally angry and hopeless?
Oh, and Candice Gladney!! God has gotten a hold of her in ways I never thought possible! She is one of my closest friends and encouragers. We sat around on Thursday planning out Friday coffee nights for a few of the MM moms who are hungry for Christ and then all of the sudden we were planning out the Mighty Women. I have resisted any thing like this because of margin, but it seemed so clear that we're supposed to do it. It will only be 5 girls, plus McKenna and we'll start meeting this summer. Candice keeps saying, "I've been asking God to show me what it really means to lose your life. And I've been telling Him that I want to be a part of something that's bigger than anything I could ever do. And He's answering my prayers!" I've been ready to throw in the towel many times in the past couple of weeks, and then Jesus starts oozing all over me again through Candice. Pray that God will move them to Como soon. We need them! She's praying for it, but M.L., who grew up in the "hood", is not too keen on the idea of moving back. Randy is right - it's much more of a sacrifice for them than it is for us.

Blah, blah, blah! I could write for hours, but I'm pretty sure this is the longest entry in the history of the Brown Blog and I should really stop now.

BOTTOM LINE? God IS HUGE! Apart from Jesus we really cannot do anything. And we have faith that He has brought us here to see Him do something bigger than anything we can imagine.

We love you guys and are looking forward to Memorial Day at the lake.

Rich blessings on you to see and savor Jesus this weekend,
Anda